Thursday, July 2, 2009


> Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......
> 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
> 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
> 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
> 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
> 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
> 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
> 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
> 5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
> 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
> 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
> 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
> Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...
> Day 983 of my captivity...
> My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
> dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or
> some sort of dry nuggets.
> Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
> nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
> The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to
> disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
> Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
> had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
> demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
> comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.
> There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
> in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
> hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was
> due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to
> use it to my advantage.
> Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
> tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
> again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
> I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
> The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems
> to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
> The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the
> guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
> have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
> safe. For now ...

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